Any long time users of this forum might recognise me from the past - I tend to come here for a few weeks/months, make use of the support, and then when I feel better I disappear again. Well, that old pattern is here again.
I thought I had the depression licked, or at least under control, this time. But - ho-hum - here we are again. No dramas, no momentous happenings, I just find myself again in a hopeless pit. Brimming with bitterness and such a hatred - I know it's irrational but it is so strong - for every detail of my life. The places I have to go, the things I need to do, people I meet. I hate it all, and myself above everything.. Every day it is an endless effort to haul myself to the end. I have become a thing of no thought, just emotion.
It is so discouraging - years of therapy, counselling, reading, thinking, trying, and all for nothing. It lies dormant for months but it's like an addiction, it's still there, pops up again, with an inevitability that is crushing.
I don't know what I'm hoping for, posting this here. What can anyone say? It's just that I have found support and friendship here before, and I needed to air this feeling of helplessness where it may be understood.
